Chinese Sweethearts for you

It's almost time for some athletes to get athleting down in good old Beijing. You know what I mean: the Olympics! China's opportunity to try to prove to the world that they're not as totalitarian and crazy as you thought they were.


Their first sell? All the hotties. You thought communists couldn't be sexy (although with all those eastern european and russian models we've gotten in the past 15 to 20 you'd think it was hotness that knocked down the Berlin Wall) but China is here to prove to you that there's more to attractiveness than just capitalists. And in case you were curious, exactly none of these women are athletes at all. They were just picked by this Chinese director Zhang Yimou, also known as the dude who directed that awesome Quentin Tarantino movie "Hero" to Americans out there. So there's all plain old starlets like we like in the U.S. of A. I wonder if any of them have bad coke habits. Hopefully all. Everyone knows sex sells, and it's no different with the Olympics. Check out Shen Jiani. That cowel neck sweater says "I shop at the gap" while her eyes say "Come hither into my gap."


And then there are these adorable photos of quake orphans!! I'm pretty sure these little guys are being exploited on at least three counts. First all the compassion they solicit from the outside world by being way too fucking adorable for their own good. Two, they're still alive, which helps to prove that the evil-baby-hating Chinese didn't just kill all the orphans (good PR!). Apparently trying to remind the west that they don't kill babies all the time is one of this website's most important functions because they also feature some quintuplet "young ambassadors." I know what you're thinking. I'm thinking it too. How on earth did they not kill all three of the girls? Well these kids were born in 2002, and Beijing was picked as the host city for 2008 all the way back in July of 2001. So I'm pretty sure someone spermed up some uber-fertile Chinese broad so she could bust out these ambassadors for her country. And then there's the last orphan, who kinda looks white, and we all know how much white people love it when non-white people kinda look white. Way to take one for Team China, pale orphan baby!


But the best part about the site is definitely that you can read the entire Report on the Work of the Government as compiled by Premier Jiabao for 2006-2007. And they let you read the other reports from the past 5 or 6 years!! It just doesn't get any better.

I think this is my new homepage, mofos. Olympic/Chinese spirit all the way!