Going Through My Bookshelf

Over at NPR, author Lesley Blume has developed a "classic list of must-read children's books." While I applaud all of her choices (The Witches! From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler!), I have to add a few of my own:

• Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery: Okay, I may love Anne because she's a redheaded bookworm, but her feistiness, awkwardness, and imagination will warm your heart. And just try not to cry at something involving Matthew. Just try.
• Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh: Because Harriet isn't exactly a nice little girl. She's curious and a little bitchy, but she's eighty times cooler than anyone else in her class. I bet she grew up to do something really kick-ass.
• A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle: Her most well-known, and possibly her most endearing. Between Meg, Calvin, and Charles-Wallace, you know the universe is worth saving.
• The Giver by Lois Lowry: Oh geez, I freak out about this book. Best freakin' book ever. It's one of the most thoughtful, moving portrayals of a dystopian society ever written. Period.
• The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton: More than forty years later and Ponyboy's thoughts and struggles are still relevant. Stay gold, Pony.
• The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi: Charlotte Doyle puts the kick in kick-ass. A thrilling tale set on the high seas. What more could you want?

I could keep going, but instead I'll leave it to you. Post your favorite childhood reads in the comments!

Because Your Fiance Was a Dwarf?

For all of us who are sick of seeing cutesy status updates, here comes STFU, Marrieds. Because, seriously, no one wants to see your relationship plastered all over their Facebook feed every day.

Although it does give us glorious images like this one.

I don't know why you'd create a group about your engagement being canceled (send out a mass email, maybe), but what I really don't understand is the accompanying picture. Yeah, that's Willow. (Click through for a closer look.)

Post your suggestions as to why she chose Willow in the comments!

They're So Cool Before They Get Married

Sarah Haskins takes on the stupid husbands from all those home product commercials.





Sarah, if you want to hang out sometime, just let me know. I'll laugh like a hyena at every joke you make.

If Zuckerman Had Loved Wilbur to Begin With

His nose is all crinkly!

I bet this is how Wilbur looked when he was born.

It's All in Exchange For the Ridiculously Expensive Gift

If you're in your twenties, there's a good chance you were a guest at a wedding this summer. It seems like everyday, someone else updates their Facebook relationship status to be "engaged." This can mean a fun time dancing with your friends at a wedding, but sometimes brides and grooms can make serious mistakes that make you consider asking for your present back. Here are a few wedding faux pas to avoid--I wholeheartedly agree to all listed.

One thing I'd add--don't force your guests to participate in lame group dances. The shame of doing the Chicken Dance is only matched by the shame of finding yourself in a Girls Gone Wild video.

No Wonder I Love the Oxford Comma

This might be the coziest picture ever.

Also, the whole blog, Fuck Yeah, Britain! is absolutely awesome. I had to stop myself from linking to every single picture.

Good Point!

Jesus' family dynamic was totally nontraditional, and he turned out all right.

I'm Not Addicted, I Swear

I want a poster of this to hang above my desk.

This Gives "Stimulus Plan" a Whole New Meaning

Girlfriends have presented Congress with an economic stimulus plan: moving in together to save money and the country.

And maybe have fun dinner parties and Halloween parties with Halloween-themed drinks.



Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'



I'm willing to do my part to help the economy. And we don't even have to give up the weekend in Vermont watching the leaves change!

Secret Lovers

From the good people at Best Week Ever comes the best tagline ever.

"If ever we were hoping that two celebrities were involved in a passionate love affair…it would be 50 Cent and Bette Midler."

Keep the dream alive, guys.

Team Edward Will Be Disappointed Forever

Hank and Katherine take on the Edward Cullen complex. Really, it could also be a song for Jacob.





Edward + Bella < Hank + Katherine

"I hope someday his child will rip its way out of your womb.*"

*Why am I obsessed with the scary homemade Bella womb? It's terrifying!

Pushing Forward

A really lovely article from the Modern Love section of the New York Times. This one is about a couple dealing with the devastating effects of a car accident. Anything can happen at any time--life can change forever. But this couple has stayed strong even when faced with more challenges than most people will ever know. For me, it's a very hopeful article. Life can be really tough, but people get through it.

Jazz Hands

Most of the time, wedding speeches tend to be kind of lame, especially if you're not the best friend/sister/father/etc. of either the bride or groom. I don't want twenty minutes of how they're such wonderful people; I want to hit the open bar and dance already.

But this wedding party brings the dance into the wedding speech.





Although I do kind of feel bad for Brad; it's mostly about Amy. But maybe he was in on it, too. And besides, it just teaches him to get musical friends.

(Catherine, I see this either happening at your wedding, or you organizing this for someone else's.)

And It Breaks My Heart

A lovely video that provides faces to all the same-sex couples in California whose marriages are in danger of being nullified. I can't imagine how sad that would be.



"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.


Keep fighting Prop 8.

Break My Heart

You know Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, that adorable couple of from the movie Once? Who got Oscars for their song "Falling Slowly?" And who put together the Swell Season?

Yeah. They're not together anymore.

Hansard says:

"I think it was just a very natural part of what we were doing together. We had made the film. We had gone through so much with the Oscar. Of course, we fell into each other's arms. It was a very necessary part of our friendship but I think we both concluded that that wasn't what we really wanted to do. So we're not together now. We’re just really good friends."

I hope it was a mutal, decisive thing, because I love the result when they work together and I'd hate to see them stop playing together just because they're no longer dating. Plus, Hansard is much older than Irglova. (He's 38, she's almost 21.) I wonder if that--being at different places in their lives--had something to do with it.

Even so, I'm a little crushed. They were so cute together!

Oh well. Keep making the music, guys.

How to Make Your Friends Secretly Hate You

It sounds like a SNL skit with Kristen Wiig playing someone really awkward (her forte). Someone hates how in love her friends are and decides to talk to them about it. Except this is actually the advice Margot Carmichael Lester gives MSN readers.

Everyone hates at least one couple for some totally standard reason. Who wants to see people so freaking adorable and in love? Kissy faces and obnoxious nicknames? It's disgusting. Why should they be so freaking happy? And then when they talk about the sickeningly sweet couple things they do, you kind of wish pterodactyls would descend from the sky and eat their faces off.

Subtle, right?

But Margot recommends a different approach when a friend's relationship is bothering you. First step:

• Fess up. "Tell your friends that you're thrilled for them and what they've got going on in their love life and you can't help but be a wee bit jealous...Telling on yourself will close the distance the jealousy creates, and you will look and feel instantly hotter with that weight off your chest."
  

Because that's really going to help. What is the Happy Couple supposed to do? Say they're sorry? After all, they have a right to be happy. If you tell them their love makes you feel bad about your own life, they're going to feel unnecessarily guilty and not really have a way to deal with it. After that, your company will always be a reminder of that guilt and they'll avoid your company. And rightfully so.

• Be grateful. "Gratitude trumps envy. Start focusing on what you do have rather than pining for what's 'missing.' Hang a whiteboard on your fridge and write down three blessings in your life — big or small — when you're en route to that lonely, bitter place or catch yourself in a 'poor me' whine. Bottom line: Recognize all the love and goodness in your life — right here, right now — and envy won't stand a chance."
  

This one's more reasonable. The white board might be a little much, but it's good to count your blessings. Plus, you can remind yourself about how Happy Couple probably argues about where to spend holidays and how to invest savings and when they should get married/have kids/retire. Just don't keep the white board out when you have friends over; then you'll get back into that awkward whiney monologue that no one wants to hear.

• Ask them to share the love. Your pals who are lovingly linked are in a great position to help you get that way, too. "Ask your friends to brainstorm with you on some ways to help you get your own love story started...Suggest they start by fixing you up with one (or two or three) of their honey's eligible friends."

Another bomb. If your Happy Couple Friend had someone to fix you up with, they probably would have already mentioned it. Bringing it up casually is one thing. Getting together friends for a "brainstorming session" is obnoxious. It's like their job is to set you up. Furthermore, I don't really know anyone who's harboring amazing guys. If I don't tell a friend that a guy friend of mine would be perfect for her, it's because I don't really see them as a couple. A brainstorming session isn't going to change that. Also, this makes it sound like finding romance for you is your friends' responsibility. It makes you sound desperate and awkward, and will make your friends feel guilty when they can't really come up with anyone for you. Plus, just because your attached friend happens to be in a stable relationship doesn't mean she'll be any good at finding someone for you.

That's not to say you should hide your feelings. But it's better to rant with another single friend about Happy Couple than to talk to them about it. And to discuss dating options. But please, don't come off as some kind of desperate dating whiner. Sometimes, that's even more annoying than Happy Couple.

And remember, when you start hating that Happy Couple, just think of the pterodactyls.

As Long As It's Not the Island on Lost, I'm There

Looking for a job? With graduation approaching, I'm seriously considering applying to this one, called "the best job in the world." Basically, you get to hang out on a tropical island. For money. They Australian government will pay you to be on vacation all the time.

"Wait a minute," you say. "There's got to be a catch. Is it Leper Island? Are there land sharks?"

Maybe. But I'm willing to take that chance. All you have to do all day is take walks on the island, snorkel, and take care of a few minor tasks, and blog about your experience. In exchange, you get to stay rent-free in a three-bedroom beach home complete with plunge pool and golf buggy.

Oh, and they're going to pay you 150,000 Australian dollars (105,000 US dollars).

The idea is that this will help Australian's tourist industry, which has taken a hit recently because of the economy. The island caretaker will hopefully write about how freakin' awesome it is to live on a beautiful island, so other people will say, "Hey, Australia sounds pretty amazing. Let's go!"

What do you need on your resume for this job? You need to be a good swimmer and an excellent communicator who can speak and write English.

I haven't gone swimming in a little while, but I don't suck at it. And hopefully I don't suck at the English thing. Sign me up!

Acting state Premier Paul Lucas said,"This is a legitimate job which is open to anyone and everyone."

Applications are open until February 22. Eleven shortlisted candidates will be flown to Hamilton Island in early May for the final selection process and the six month contract will commence on July 1.

RSVP and Info For Guests

If you're like me, you're just entering the age in which all your friends get married. Woohoo, right? That means you see a lot of wedding websites. Mostly I think those are pretty helpful: they direct you to the wedding registries so you don't have to drag yourself over to Crate and Barrel; they give directions to chapels/hotels; they provide links to other things to do in the area, which means you can find a bar for those awkward in-between-ceremony-and-reception times. But some people like to take them over the top and tell a little too much. I don't really care what your secret nicknames for each other are. I don't need to see eighty pictures of you all snuggly. (What I do need are promises it's an open bar.)

The writers at The Office must relate, because now there's an Andy-Angela wedding website, and it's fantastic.

About flowers:

"Does anyone know a flower that doesn't have bright colors or pollen?"

The bachelor party details:

"Just starting to discuss this. Angela may have some warm tea with some of her friends from the cat park. Me, I want to save my energy before I start the first day of the rest of my life. So the night before our wedding, I'll probably just watch Bachelor Party on DVD."

The registry:
So many cats!

It makes me feel kind of bad for Andy, since he's actually into this wedding, and Angela's probably having sex with Dwight right now. (In my imaginary world where tv characters live on outside of their allotted time slot.) But Andy's such a tool that that empathy doesn't stay inside me for too long.

This is one wedding website I will continue to check for updates.

I Love You, But Mostly I Love Attention

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony recently renewed their marriage vows.

Their first wedding? On June 5, 2004. Which means they haven't hit their 5th anniversary yet. Sure, in Hollywood, that can be a golden anniversary, but seriously guys? Are you going to do this every four years? I don't really get the renewal thing anyway--unless it's your 50th, maybe--but this sounds like a move to get in people's heads again.

Your Love is Like a Roller Coaster, Baby Baby

Q: How do you make the object of your affections fall in love with you?
A: Take them on a roller coaster ride!

It all boils down to:

"White-knuckle pursuits apparently create a rush of the hormone that makes us fall in love, a science conference heard yesterday.
Phenylethylamine is vital in the science of attraction, according to author Richard Robinson."

I don't think this has ever worked for me. I've either not fallen in love with my roller coaster partners (although we weren't really on dates) or was already in love with my roller coaster partner. Can I get two people to test this theory?

Also, I think this was kind of a harsh way to end the article:

"Getting off the sofa and out and about is also important. 'Meeting a lot of people is key,' Mr Robinson said. 'Sitting there moping and eating chocolate is not going to get you anywhere.'"

Ie--Fuck you, lonely people! Obvious the girl/guy of your dreams is hiding at the Tilt-a-Whirl!