Old (Testament) School

Juno meets the Bible in Hipster Job:






So...Naked Abraham Lincoln is an angel? What about Clothed Abraham Lincoln?

Good Point!

Jesus' family dynamic was totally nontraditional, and he turned out all right.

Catholic Guilt Meets Home Design

I'm not sure I'd want to live in an old church myself, but I love seeing how people convert (hehehe) them into livable spaces. For example, this former-church-now-home in Kyloe, Northumberland, UK:

"A couple decided to purchase and readapt the structure, investing nearly three times the purchase price into renovations over the course of several years. The exterior remains mostly untouched, save for skylights running the length of the roof. Inside, the owners took a similar approach. Restoration is more prevalent than renovation, with original stained glass windows throughout, and repurposed church fixtures abounding. Much of the original seating in the church was refinished and placed throughout the home, and unused wood and building materials were fashioned into a dramatic staircase leading from the main living space to an upper level library."

I love what they've done, especially how they've used the cathedral angles and stained glass. It all looks very serene, which is in keeping with the 'church' vibe. But despite how gorgeous this home is, I'm still not sure I'd want to live there. I think I'd end up feeling like I couldn't swear or make inappropriate jokes or kiss or wear shorts or do anything else non-holy. Maybe I could move into a converted synagogue instead?

Next Summer's Big Action Movie?

This summer...Resurrection's a bitch!





Seriously, do they show this to kids? And why is Jesus fireballing the world?

Children's Author Quote of the Day

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.

Madeleine L'Engle, "Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art", 1980
US juvenile science fiction novelist (1918 - 2007)

Put on Your Red

It's Saint Joseph's Day!

While not as well-known as Saint Patrick's Day, Saint Joseph's Day is just as kick-ass. Basically it's the Italian version. So put on a red shirt, call you girl friends "Bella," eat some pasta and drink some wine. Because you know that one holiday a week isn't enough.

Oy Vey

Okay, Pope Benedict. I get that the church doesn't exactly get behind contraception. But seriously? Condoms are not the answer in Africa's fight against HIV? In what ideal world is everyone going to practice abstinence. That's like saying people should just not shoot each other--then we wouldn't need gun laws. You need to live in reality, in which people have sex.

Not to say that handing out condoms is the answer. People need sex education. (Having sex with a virgin does not cure AIDS.) People need the opportunity to practice safe sex. People need to live without fear of getting raped.

Again, I understand that the church does not promote extramarital sex or contraception in general. But I think it's ridiculous for the pope to say that abstinence is the answer. He'd be better off just saying the church wants to help people in Africa get clean water/food/end violence.

Holy Moly!

I'm sorry, but the pope is so scary.


JP II, I miss you.

Heaven sounds pretty rockin' to me

This made me chuckle.

Pill Popping

It's so secret that the Vatican isn't big on birth control. But a recent article in the Vatican newspaper claimed that the birth control pill is poisoning our waters and the cause of male infertility.

"'We have sufficient evidence to state that a non-negligible cause of male infertility in the West is the environmental pollution caused by the pill,' said [Pedro Jose Maria Simon Castellvi, president of the International Federation of Catholic Medical Associations], without elaborating further."

Oh, come on guys.

First of all, how would that even work? Doesn't the pill suppress ovulation? Since when do men ovulate?

The idea that we have medication in our drinking water isn't new. It's actually not even totally inaccurate. But that's when people dump medication down their toilets, trying to get rid of old prescriptions. It doesn't happen because women take oral contraception regularly and then urinate.

"'Once metabolised, the hormones contained in oral contraceptives no longer have any of the characteristic effects of feminine hormones,' said Gianbenedetto Melis, vice-president of a contraceptive research association, quoted by the ANSA news agency."

I wish the Church would do more scientific research before claiming things like this. It reminds me of Galileo and that whole earth-sun thing. And it took the Church until 1992 to say, "Hey, maybe he was actually right."

Let's speed up a little, please.

A Million Little Diagnoses

James Frey's gotten in trouble for writing not-so-nonfictiony nonfiction. So he's moved onto fiction. But now he's going a little more historical. Apparently he's looking to write the third testament of the Bible. He says:

"'My idea of what the Messiah would be like if he were walking the streets of New York today. What would he believe? What would he preach? How would he live? With who?'' Frey said his version would see Jesus living with a prostitute. 'It doesn't matter how or who you love. I don't believe the messiah would condemn gay men and women.' Judas, meanwhile, would be the 'same as he was two thousand years ago', a 'selfish man who thinks of himself before the good of humanity, who values money more than love.'"

Okay, it's a nice idea, I guess. Basically Jesus is someone who loves everybody, even if contemporary society doesn't think they're cool. (Lepers, anyone?) But is that really a unique idea? What I'd like to see is Frey do something else with this. I can see it as an okay idea that doesn't really go anywhere.

It's a challenge, Frey. Step up.*

*Not that I've actually read his books. But even if this were an author I loved, I'd expect a lot of work out of this idea.

What Are Those Laws About Goat Slaughtering?

Check out this Newsweek article about gay marriage and the Bible--and what exactly the Bible says. The author, Lisa Miller, is obviously pro-gay marriage, but I think it's good to take a look at the context of the passages people usually quote when referencing homosexuality in the Bible. For example:

"The Bible does condemn gay male sex in a handful of passages. Twice Leviticus refers to sex between men as 'an abomination' (King James version), but these are throwaway lines in a peculiar text given over to codes for living in the ancient Jewish world, a text that devotes verse after verse to treatments for leprosy, cleanliness rituals for menstruating women and the correct way to sacrifice a goat—or a lamb or a turtle dove. Most of us no longer heed Leviticus on haircuts or blood sacrifices; our modern understanding of the world has surpassed its prescriptions. Why would we regard its condemnation of homosexuality with more seriousness than we regard its advice, which is far lengthier, on the best price to pay for a slave?"

Leviticus is a whole crazy list of "dos" and "don'ts." Miller's right to reference issues of slavery. (And it's not just the Israelites and Egyptians. Remember the weirdness of Abraham and the whole pregnancy issue?) Obviously we don't have slaves anymore. And just as most of us aren't so careful about our goat-slaughtering, we need to reassess what religious laws mean in contemporary life.

And what about the New Testament? Miller says:

"The biblical Jesus was—in spite of recent efforts of novelists to paint him otherwise—emphatically unmarried. He preached a radical kind of family, a caring community of believers, whose bond in God superseded all blood ties...There will be no marriage in heaven, he says in Matthew. Jesus never mentions homosexuality, but he roundly condemns divorce (leaving a loophole in some cases for the husbands of unfaithful women)."

The divorce issue is one that gets me. How do we legally accept divorce and not homosexual relationships? If we're going to be so strict about these "rules," how does divorce get by?

Most of the time, I think the Bible isn't black-and-white. The general idea of "be kind to each other" is spot on. But even Jesus shook up people's ideas of what was religiously right and important. (How many times does he encounter somebody who gets the religion thing wrong?) So we can't assume that everything we have in this book is exactly what it seems to say. Add to that the issue of translation and human error, and you get a really, really complicated text.

That's not to say that you can't interpret the Bible how you want. But I think the issue of interpretation is so interesting, and one scholars and religious leaders are still wrestling with.

For me, a nice moment came when I was at mass recently, and the priest mentioned how there was a new gay/lesbian/transgender/bisexual support group forming at the church for people who are looking for support in the community, or for people who are looking to support those people. He ended with "Everyone is welcome at God's table."

No sex is good sex?

I've always been a big fan of the Dalai Lama. I saw him speak a few years ago to a crowd of thousands in DC. He spoke about the joy of understanding religion as medicine -- each ailment has its own cure, and some folks don't need as much as others. The message sat well with me and made sense. He seemed like a very wise religious leader and I felt thankful to have heard his words.

But he's gone and gotten himself knocked down a peg on the old wisdom meter with this most recent statement. Apparently, according to his holiness the Lama, sex is for losers and celibacy is where it's at. The spiritual leader recently told a group of reporters that bumping uglies leads to "fleeting satisfaction and trouble later."

I want to get behind this message, like I have before, but I've got just one eensy little problem. Ain't this guy pretty definitively celibate? I mean, if he's followed his path strictly, he shouldn't have ever gotten down with the nasty. So really, with all due respect, how can he be an authority on this issue? Sure sure sure, he has lots of FRIENDS who've done it. He's heard stories about the anguish of love gone wrong, but really, he's no better suited to be doling out MY lovelife advice than the 14 year old down the block who knows a guy who knows a guy who did it with this older girl and it went bad so he's gonna wait.

Seriously Dalai. What's your plan here? We stop procreating? You're not even telling kids to wait til marriage like the fundamentalists do. You're actually claiming we just shouldn't do it at all! That's absurd. What are we supposed to do about the future of our culture? Or maybe that's your plan... I oughta think about this one more.

Don't get all shaker on my ass dude. Just go back to telling me I can be ecumenical. I liked you way better back then.

I Use to Hate This Dance

But now I kind of love the YMCA. Well played, gentlemen.

That's How I Like My Savior

Christian Bale has been acting since he was a kid. He was in Newsies. He's got a lot of roles under his belt. But one I didn't know was Jesus.

I saw the commercial for Mary, Mother of Jesus and had a double take. "Is that...wait...is that Batman?"

I never realized how much Christian Bale actually does look like those old paintings of Jesus, the kind my grandparents had in their house. So while I initially thought this was a weird casting choice, now I get it. Plus, I think Christian Bale as Lord would convert a lot of people. ("My savior is BATMAN. Yeah!")

Read your Bible

Dear Sarah Barracuda,

Before you get too self-righteous about being all more experienced that Obama, just remember...

"Jesus was a community organizer. Pontius Pilate was a governor."

Just something to keep in mind, lady.

Sincerely,
LadyFaces


a note to our readers: LadyFaces has chosen Sarah Palin as our new focal point for derision. Why? Because she's an easy target. But don't worry, we won't leave out Walnuts.