Monday Morning Cute: the People Edition

Paul Rudd, you might be the cutest human being on the planet. Except* for Color Me Katie.

*In fact, are you two related?

Some Like It Hot

Check out these previously unpublished pictures of Marilyn Monroe.




To all those young actresses who try to pose like Marilyn: give it up. You cannot be Marilyn.

He Gave Us a Great Day Off

We'll miss you, John.

Right Wing Beat Poetry

I'll admit it--I don't always get poetry right away. I'm a fiction writer, a pretty darn traditional fiction writer at that. I like stories about people. I don't even need stuff happening. But with poetry, so much is about language that with some poems it takes me a second read to get into it. Maybe that's what happened with Sarah Palin's farewell speech. Good thing Conan's looking out for us.





I honestly like it better the way Shatner does it.

Try to Look Menacing

Hitchcock originally envisioned a movie called The Puppies, but they were too cute and he had to change it to birds instead.

To the New World!

For the longest time, Justin Timberlake didn't really enter my radar. Sure, I danced to 'NSync songs at dances, and I thought going solo was a good move, but I was never in love with him. Well, SNL has made me love him so much. The music? That's fun and catchy and great, but it's the comedy that puts him over the top. I mean, Dick in a Box? Hip Hop Kids? Motherlover? Freakin' awesome. Every time he's on, it's funny. Who'd have known that he'd fit into SNL so well?

This one isn't quite 'Dick in a Box,' but it's a great send-up of Timberlake's career.





Keep dreaming of that new world, Cornelius Timberlake. It's a glorious world for us all!

Are You There Gob?

Will Arnett reads aloud from Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.

What more do you need, right?





Best thing he's done since the end of Arrested Development.

Pompous Circumstance

James Franco may have backed out of the UCLA graduation speech, but that doesn't mean he can't make fun of himself (with the help of the Harvard Lampoon).

James Franco's Rejected UCLA Commencement Speech from James Franco

James Franco + jet pack = awesome commencement speech.

RIP

Out of all the people who have died recently, this one upsets me the most. Even though Malden was 97, died of natural causes, and had a full life.

Make sure to check him out in On the Waterfront, which is a fantastic movie anyway.

We'll miss you, Karl!

Power to the Bunnies!

When Che Guevara woke up in the morning, I bet he prayed that his grandchildren would have the opportunity to live in a better world. A world of the people. A world of the people who loved the animals. Granddaugther Lydia Guevara is sure making him proud. She's one of the new PETA poster-girls, posing semi-nude with the catchphrase, urging viewers to "join the vegetarian revolution." It will launch in South America.

My favorite part:

"In the ad, Lydia Guevara wears camouflage pants, a red beret, and bandoliers of baby carrots while standing with one fist on her hip and the other outstretched."

Baby carrots are better than bullets!

At first, I really want to be snarky about this. But given the choice between Castro and carrots, I will go with carrots every time.

Is Vanity Fair Hiring?

Four words:

Private island.
Johnny Depp.

What more do you need to know about this article?

(Okay, he talks about playing Dillinger and other stuff. But seriously, like you needed that as a reason to read this.)

Brush With Sparkle Death

It would be easy to blame this on the Twilight fans. In fact, that's what Robert Pattinson did when he got clipped by a cab in New York. He was running away from a mob of fans when the cab hit him. Everyone was all right, but Pattinson's bodyguard screamed at the fans, "You see what you did, you almost killed him!"

But I don't blame the crazed fans. I blame Pattinson himself. The cab driver was obviously blinded by Pattinson's sparkle. It probably looked like eighty Claire's stores blowing up.

At least he wasn't hurt. But then again, vampires are impervious to pain.

Can I Get a Wax Conan?

Dear Conan,

Want to start the Redheaded Society of Awesome and Chicanery (RSAC) with me? I will help you find more cool places like the Celebrity Wax Factory.




Love,

(Your BFF) Annie

Friends Forever!

This makes me like Mark-Paul Gosselaar (and, by extension, Jimmy Fallon) so much more than I thought I did. And seriously, he does look better without that weird long hair.





Two steps away from the reunion!

Slay the Reboot

It's no secret I love Buffy. Without that show, middle school would have been a lot sadder. So I am very protective of the characters and story overall, and I'm nervous about the possibility for a new movie. Even the fact that Joss Whedon isn't involved is deeply troubling. The first Buffy movie was kind of sucky, and that was because Joss's original idea got messed up. The series itself was, in essence, a kind of reboot, and that was hugely successful. This is rebooting the reboot without the factor that made the reboot good. Add to that the fact that all the characters are so associated with these particular actors, and it's a tough project. It's not like Batman, a character played by many actors. For seven seasons, Sarah Michelle Gellar was Buffy. Anthony Stewart Head was Giles. I don't want to see someone else try to pick up these roles.

But that doesn't mean I won't dissect the potential choices.

1) Laura Vandervoort: I don't really know her, but she was on an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? That gives her a couple of cool points. Still, that alone isn't enough to make a Buffy.

2) Kristen Stewart: Lots of people don't like her in Twilight, but I think she's a pretty solid actress. Still, she's not bubbly/funny enough for Buffy.

3) Amanda Seyfreid: She was really funny in Mean Girls, but I don't know if she's sassy enough for Buffy. Still, she was on Veronica Mars for a little while, which suggests she gets that humor. She might actually make a good vampire, though--Darla-esque?

4) Vanessa Hudgens: High School Musical is like the anti-Buffy. Buffy asserts that high school is a hellzone. High School Musical asserts that high school constitutes the best years of your life. Vom. Plus Vanessa is a dead fish.

5) Emma Watson: I love Emma's Hermione, but I'm not sure she's got Buffy's sass. She seems a little too reserved; still, not a bad option.

6) Megan Fox: If she gets to be Buffy, I will tear my eyeballs out, Oedipus-style. Megan Fox has to be the worst actress in Hollywood today. The Olsen twins outacted her, for God's sake.

7) Leighton Meester: I haven't seen much of Gossip Girl, but it seems like Leighton might have the snarky thing down. Still, I'm not sure she has Buffy's warmth and charm.

8) Mary Elizabeth Winstead: I don't know her at all. It might be good to cast a relative unknown (like Sarah Michelle Gellar was back in the day) but I can't assert Mary Elizabeth's skills at all.

9) Michelle Trachtenberg: As much as I hated Dawn, I do like Michelle. She's got charm and she does the snarky humor thing well. But I think, for a reboot, it gets confusing when you cast an actress from the original series. Especially when that character was Buffy's little sister.

Really, no one on this list seems like a winner, and there are lots of good actresses here. It's just a sign that they should leave well enough alone, especially when they risk envoking the wrath of Buffy fans from coast to coast.

Sparkly is Hot? Is Claire's Hot?

Lots of reviews called Twilight "the next Harry Potter." At first, I disagreed on the grounds that JK Rowling is a better writer, the Harry Potter books are more emotionally complex, etc. But now I have to revise my statement. The real difference between the two is that Harry Potter fans aren't freakin' crazy.

Take this Vanity Fair poll, which begs the question "Who Is the Most Handsome Man in the World?" The Vanity Fair people did a similar poll for the women, and Angelina Jolie won. No surprise there. When I went through the guys, I found some good names--George Clooney, Daniel Craig, Johnny Depp, Hugh Jackman, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, etc. Lots of really attractive men. But I assume that either George or Brad would lead the pack.

Oh no.

When I placed my vote, I found that Johnny had a mere 8%. George? 2%. Who was the big winner so far, with 66% of the vote?

Robert Pattinson.

???

Okay, Robert is an attractive guy. No argument there. But seriously, how is he beating the competition by that much? How is he beating Johnny Depp by over fifty points?! How is he beating George Clooney by over sixty points?!

It's the crazed Twilight fans. Let that be a lesson to Vanity Fair. If you put it on the internet, the Twilight fans will go crazy until everything sparkly vampirey is a winner.

Until they grow out of it, Johnny'll just have to play the "I am handsome, damnit!" blues.

What's With the Babies?

I shouldn't be surprised. Octomom has gotten a reality show.

Fortunately, the company she signed with is Dutch and hasn't sold the show to any American network. Yet. Even though the American public seems fairly disgusted with Nadya Suleman's behavior, we just can't seem to get enough of families with tons of children.

Of course, even though I am appalled by Sulemen's behavior, I also hope that this means her children will actually be taken care of, since they'll be on film. And apparently they're not going to get filmed 24/7 (like the Jon & Kate clan) but only on "birthdays and special events." That could also mean all the freakin' time, but hopefully their lives won't be too invaded. Still, I wouldn't put it past Suleman to get as much screen time as possible.

Stay sane, babies.

Does He Still Have That on His Resume?

I hope this guy makes Jack Nicholson's Life Achievement Oscar montage, because it would be great to see Jack's face like this again.

Secret Lovers

From the good people at Best Week Ever comes the best tagline ever.

"If ever we were hoping that two celebrities were involved in a passionate love affair…it would be 50 Cent and Bette Midler."

Keep the dream alive, guys.

I Would Never Lie to You, Oprah

Oprah has apologized to James Frey, author of the not-so-autobiographical memoir A Million Little Pieces. In 2005, she chose A Million Little Pieces for her book club, making it an enormous bestseller. But then it came out that he didn't actually experience all the things he claimed--jail, drugs, etc. Oprah was furious and had Frey on the show again to call him out, but apparently the two have reconciled since then.

"Frey said Winfrey called him last fall to tell him 'I felt I owe you an apology,' and she explained that her lambasting of him sprang from her sense of feeling betrayed, according to the Vanity Fair report.

'It was a nice surprise to hear from her, and I really appreciated the call and the sentiment,' he told Vanity Fair."

I'm not a fan of Frey, but I'm glad Oprah has apologized. Even though he was lame to pretend he actually did everything he wrote about, it was also lame for her to bring him back on the show and yell at him.

And considering how his most recent book Bright Shiny Morning wasn't the megahit that A Million Little Pieces was, he needs the Oprah.