I'll admit it--I don't always get poetry right away. I'm a fiction writer, a pretty darn traditional fiction writer at that. I like stories about people. I don't even need stuff happening. But with poetry, so much is about language that with some poems it takes me a second read to get into it. Maybe that's what happened with Sarah Palin's farewell speech. Good thing Conan's looking out for us.
I honestly like it better the way Shatner does it.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Right Wing Beat Poetry
Maid Service
Things that I've left behind in hotel rooms: face wash, combs, an orphaned sock. Nothing that would make the hotel maid very interested. But the Telegraph has compiled a list of some strange items people forgot.
Some of these things I could understand. An engagement ring could go missing if left on a bedside table. Maybe you thought you had those World Cup tickets in your wallet and didn't realize you forgot them until you were at the gate. But your glass eye? (Do people still have those?) Your wooden leg? How can you leave without a piece of you?
Next time, have a checklist with you. But you'd probably leave that behind, too.
Stick Your Neck Out
So I'm on this email list to get announcements about local films--you know, if they need extras and I get the chance to meet Johnny Depp. The other day I got an email with this subject:
Men who appear to have no neck.
Hmm, I thought. What is this doing in my inbox?Sure enough, the casting people were looking for men who appeared to have no necks. Their email read as follows:
Boston Casting is looking for men 30-50 who appear to have no neck for a comedy commercial. Job pays very well. Please email a photo and contact info to xxxxx. Thanks! Please pass this along to family and friends.
Because that's exactly what your friends and family want to get. "Hey, I saw this and thought of you!" Girls love a guy with no neck. Really.
But then again, K-Fed might be looking for the work.
More From Puppies
It's Friday! Tomorrow (hopefully) you can sleep in!
I am so happy there are so many beagle blogs on the internet.
Try to Look Menacing
Hitchcock originally envisioned a movie called The Puppies, but they were too cute and he had to change it to birds instead.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Obviously This Needs to Be a Trailer Remix
The Godfather is considered to be one of the best films of all time. Arrested Development is considered to be one of the best prematurely canceled TV shows of all time. So it only makes sense that they're about the exact same thing.
It's hard to choose a favorite of all the pairs. I mean, Michael vs. Michael? It's like choosing a favorite child. A favorite child who either shoots people or probably wishes he could sometimes.
And both The Godfather and Arrested Development carry the same message--your family may be screwed up, but they're yours for life, so you'd better learn how to deal with them.
Someone with video editing powers--I am begging you to make two mash-ups out of this combination. In fact, I challenge you! I want to see this videos and laugh so hard I cry like I found a horse's head (or my bicycle handlebars) in my bed.
That Twain Keeps a Wolling
Man, what's with all the cool kids? When I was this age, I was running around the house, singing along with the Little Mermaid soundtrack.
I just love the little lisp!
Somebody Needs a Speechwriter
Jon Stewart takes on the Sarah Palin goodbye speech and guinea pigs with guns.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Quitter | ||||
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Tiny talented starlets? That's really what you want to take about in your farewell address?
Mmmm...frozen wolf patties.
No Wonder I Love the Oxford Comma
This might be the coziest picture ever.
Also, the whole blog, Fuck Yeah, Britain! is absolutely awesome. I had to stop myself from linking to every single picture.
These Days Are Ours
Oh my lord, that poor child.
At least she's not alone in family photo awkwardness. This blog makes me feel a lot better about my middle school pictures.
Strings Attached
Every time he tries to get out, they just keep making him a real boy.
Click through for more movie poster mash-ups.
Be Kind, Rewind
Movies have a beginning, middle, and end. But what happens to that movie when you flip that structure? Enter the fun new movie game. To get you started, here are some awesome examples:
"If you watch Thelma And Louise backwards, it's about two women with a flying car who slowly realize their place is in the kitchen."
"If you watch Titanic backwards, it's about the citizens of the Lost City of Atlantis finally escaping to the surface in a giant boat."
"If you watch Ghostbusters backwards, you'll realise they're basically releasing ghosts into houses."
"If you watch The Shining backwards, it's about a murderer who is convinced by ghosts to give up the drink and settle down for a nice vacation with his family."
"If you watch Jaws backwards, it's about a shark that keeps regurgitating people until they have to open a beach."
I think it's a sign that I will watch any shark movie, because I was in hysterics over the shark regurgitation movie.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Good For Your Health
Sometimes blogs are about funny videos and cute pictures of puppies and all the snark you can sit into a post. But sometimes they have a greater purpose. Sometimes blogs bring pediatric health news to curious readers.
Hence the reason the Lady Faces gets the occasional shaft-of-the-day. For at least the next few weeks, I'm a blogger (and doctor-blogging-helper) for Thrive, the official Children's Hospital Boston blog. CHB is one of the country's top children's hospitals, with lots of fantastic programs for children, so the blog has great experts weighing in on health topics.
Plus, you can see the serious side of Annie's writing. Check it out--swimming safety! ACL surgery! French fries! You just know you want to comment.
Really though, you should check it out. One day your child will need ACL surgery, and you'll know just what to do because of Thrive.
(I just saved your child's life!)
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
To the New World!
For the longest time, Justin Timberlake didn't really enter my radar. Sure, I danced to 'NSync songs at dances, and I thought going solo was a good move, but I was never in love with him. Well, SNL has made me love him so much. The music? That's fun and catchy and great, but it's the comedy that puts him over the top. I mean, Dick in a Box? Hip Hop Kids? Motherlover? Freakin' awesome. Every time he's on, it's funny. Who'd have known that he'd fit into SNL so well?
This one isn't quite 'Dick in a Box,' but it's a great send-up of Timberlake's career.
Keep dreaming of that new world, Cornelius Timberlake. It's a glorious world for us all!
Like Neko Case Before Her
This little girl is too awesome. Plus she's a redhead. Be my friend, little baby rocker chick!
Perfectly Healthy Apart From the Fact They Were All Dead
It started out normally enough. A family went to visit their newly born niece. A fun and exciting hospital visit. Until...
That's right. Tom Riddle owns the hospital*! And I bet his wife is even scarier! (Who would marry Voldemort but another creature of pure evil?) Run for your lives!
For posting this picture among the nice baby ones, I freakin' love this family.
*Okay, Tom Riddle doesn't own the hospital. He founded/donated/whatever. But I bet he pulled out the Avada Kedavra to get his plaque up there.
(Nerdiest post yet? You decide.)
Monday, July 27, 2009
Porcupine, Porcupine, Porcupine, Porcupine.
It's a Four-Part Series
When Harry Potter was big, lots of people tried to cash in on the wizard craze. Now it's all about vampires. But one writer obviously has his finger on the pulse of the teen reader. Forget wizards, forget vampires, forget werewolves and zombies and unicorns. The next hot mythical creature love story is all about dragons.
An excerpt from the synopsis:
"[T]his is a story about Bonita Ingénue a 15-year-old, misunderstood young woman who gets rescued from her provincial, boring life and whisked away to a fantastical world of exciting, sensual, magic and erotic, thick, penetrating whimsy...Even though Bonnie has her pick of the litter at school, she really has her heart set on Theo, the mysterious boy who lives just outside of town in Dragon Hills. Theo has feelings for Bonnie as well, but he also has a deep, dark secret. A deep, dark dragon secret. He is a dragon."
How could you resist a grabber like that? But if you still need convincing, here's a bit from the actual text:
"You must be Bonita," Theo said, his voice low and warm, and with just a hint of mischief. He sounded the way that drives girls crazy, like an American Idol or an iPod or whatever. His eyes, the color of coals (black), seemed to be staring directly into Bonita's soul. A warming chill sent sweaty shivers up Bonita's spine.
"I am," Bonita said, registering neither shock nor joy at the realization that Theo knew her name.
"I was about to go to lunch," Theo whispered, his pointed dragon teeth looking like a bunch of finely sharpened dongs. "Are you hungry?"
"No." I don't feel like mentioning that my stomach is already full, Bonita thought. Full of butterflies. Fucking each other.
It's Printz material, I tell you! (Click through for the rest of it.) Stephanie Meyer, watch out--you've got some stiff competition.
Also, Run Into the Dark Woods
From the brilliant minds of Joss Whedon and Lost/Buffy writer Drew Goddard comes The Cabin in the Woods. With posters like this one, I can only guess it's going to be a fun take on the teen horror genre:
Check out more here. And mock the old man.
Can I Get an Appointment with Dr. Blood?
From the Daily Dish, a thread of ridiculous yet real doctor names. The next time you need a check-up, maybe you should call some of these guys. A few favorites:
"Our family dentist is Dr. Fang."
"A bunch of friends and I were just having this conversation last night. My contribution was Dr. Scull. Yes, it's pronounced skull."
"There is an oral surgeon in Cleveland named Dr. Blood. Despite the name, he is a great doc."
"I'm a bit late to the party, but I thought I'd share -- my grandma's proctologist's name is Dr. Ramsbottom. I'm not making this up; I'm simply not that creative."
These guys may be good doctors, but their real talent is hitting the funny bone. (Ooooh.)
Friday, July 24, 2009
Tonight on Animal Planet
A little cuteness for your Friday. Because when cute things try to be tough, it makes them even cuter.
Watch out, puppy. That dandelion looks like it's going to strike at any second!
What is Your Greatest Weakness?
This list of weird things said in job interviews makes me feel both better and worse about myself. Better because at least I haven't done anything like this before. Worse because I am still bad at finding a job with any kind of stability or benefits.
Some favorite quotes:
Why are you leaving your current job?Umm...why would an employer necessarily need to know that? Is he/she coming into work on Monday caked in mud? I guess if that's the case, it's good to know--you'd want to avoid that person in the break room.
"Because I (expletive) my pants every time I enter the building."
What are your assets?
"Well, I do own a bike."
Is there anything else I should know about you?
"You should probably know I mud wrestle on the weekends."
Are You There Gob?
Will Arnett reads aloud from Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.
What more do you need, right?
Best thing he's done since the end of Arrested Development.
Just Keep Swimming
One of the loveliest, most peaceful videos you'll ever see. I wish I could get a livestream of this so it could be my background all day.
Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
A Lifetime of Pictures
Remember that awesome video with all the pictures? Olympus has created their own version for their PEN camera. Plus, I like that they reference the original concept, too.
If you like the song, you can download it for free!
Toxic Shack?
This is the best of both world's: Britney's catchy beats, and the vocal stylings of the B-52s.
I wish I could download this version!
The Future of Art History
Everyone knows the Star Wars prequels were a bunch of crap. So maybe this Star Wars photoshop contest can balance the scales a little. Contestants took famous works of art and photoshopped in something Star Wars-y. I've got to say, I'm impressed!
A few favorites:
Lights Out
Check out some awesome pictures from the longest solar eclipse of the century! It passed through Nepal, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Myanmar and China, and lasted up to 6 minutes and 39 seconds in a few places.
A few favorite pictures:
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I Wish I Were an Oscar Mayer Wiener--With Insurance
Maybe too much processed meat makes your reaction time slower. Because the Oscar Mayer Winermobile crashed into a home on Friday.
"Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon."
I'm not exactly sure why the Wienermobile was in someone's driveway in the first place. Aren't these things generally used for promotional events? But I am so glad this happened, if only for the picture.
It's New to You
By now, it shouldn't be too surprising that I love bookstores. I'm a total skinflint about everything else, but I love buying books. (I love libraries, too, but it's so nice to add a book to my personal library!) So used bookstores are great--books at reduced prices? Heck, yeah!
John Rossheim lists a few of his favorite used bookstores. New England folks will recognize Raven Used Books in Cambridge and Myopic Books in Providence. I would also add the Brattle Bookshop, and the basements of Brookline Booksmith and the Harvard Square Bookstore.
As for selling books back, here's a way to get rid of those novels you had to buy for your 20th Century Modern Literature class:
"There's always a need for classics like Faulkner, provided they're in reasonably good shape," says Brendan Sherar, (founder and CEO of Biblio.com, which sells used and new volumes from thousands of independent bookstores).
I guess I can get rid of a few of my multiple To Kill a Mockingbird copies...but what if I need another?
(I'm only hoarder about books, I swear.)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Viva Las Chinchillas!
This one conquers all the other Las Vegas commercials.
Capybaras would never have a violent uprising. They prefer peaceful protests.
Your Next Vacation Spot, Right?
The people of Forks, Washington probably never thought their home would be considered a tourist town. But ever since Stephanie Meyer made it the home of the Cullen family, Twilight fans have flocked to the small Northwestern town. It might bring in money, but it also brings in bad puns, like culinary delicacy "Bellasagne."
Wonder if the filling is angsty teen.
Granted, Forks is the perfect location for the series. It's remote, it's cloudy, it's outdoorsy, and the Washington scenery is pretty gorgeous. Still, it can't be so great for the residents of Forks, who have to deal with Twilight-fan-freakouts. For example:
"Chris Cook, editor of the local paper and author of guide book Twilight Territory, says the school's principal was mobbed at a Seattle airport when a teenage fan spotted his Forks Spartan jacket and started yelling, 'He's from Forks, he's from Forks!'"
At least Harry Potter fans haven't mobbed a high school principal. (That I know of.)
Mary Tyler Moore: the Marine Life Version
Sing this to yourself at work.
And then throw a seal in the air.
So Far My Coffee Table Is Going on Eight Months
This article from the Atlantic Monthly makes me feel a little guilty about loving IKEA so much. Of course, it's not exactly a shock that their products (and thus their company) isn't sustainable--after all, how much can you really ask of a $20 table? But does anyone really want to think about IKEA's forestry monitors when they're picking out a cheap sofa?
The real problem:
"Designed but not crafted, IKEA bookcases and chairs, like most cheap objects, resist involvement: when they break or malfunction, we tend not to fix them. Rather, we buy new ones."
It's true. You don't worry about saving your $35 bookcase for your grandchildren. If it breaks, it breaks.
Hopefully IKEA will do its part to rectify this issue. They seem to care about good company image, and sustainability is a major issue nowadays. Because I don't think I can afford to invest in Louis IV tables just yet.
The Fifth Book Was Pretty Angsty
How did I miss this one? Harry Potter meets Dave Eggers. It's like the new Where the Wild Things Are movie, except terrifying.
An excerpt from the novel that (thankfully) JK Rowling never wrote: Harry Potter and a Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius:
"REMOVED FROM CHAPTER 5:
So today the wind is perfect. Our brooms soar above the beach and we dive and swoop. We are the greatest Quidditch players who ever lived, Ron and I, we are beautiful and young. And I do this trick where I fly up to the Golden Snitch from behind and when I’m almost there I jump at it and my broom does a kind of 180 in the air—it’s probably a 360, actually, when you think of it—and I spin and a Bludger whips past my ear but does not dislodge me, no how could it, because no one has ever played Quidditch like this. I am really fucking good. And so now I am upside down and the Snitch is beneath me and I catch it behind my back, over my shoulder, one hand. Can you see this? Goddamn, look at that fucking catch."
Click through for more!
Nevermore
Kind of angsty, but it's Poe and today's forecast calls for rain, so I'm going with it. Plus, the animation is wicked awesome.
The Raven from Michael Dibblee on Vimeo.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Ducks Shop Together!
Being at the mall can be pretty draining, especially if you're a duck and can't climb the escalator.
I hope they decide to fly instead.
A Walk Through the Park
Oh my lord. I cannot handle how cute this video is. I'm not even a huge fan of pugs, and this makes my heart swell three sizes.
Jenny, you are the best dog in the world.
Snack Time
Forget that lame G-Force thing. This is what I want to watch guinea pigs doing.
Munch, munch, munch.
(Thanks, Joe!)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Hogwarts Graduation
With the Harry Potter movies drawing to a close, James White has some suggestions for the young stars. Thankfully, the Harry Potter actors all seem pretty level-headed about their fame, so hopefully they'll follow a similar path to what White suggests--indie movies, theater, following in the footsteps of older British actors, etc.
He did, however, neglect one very important suggestion: the Harry Potter kids need to be friends with me!
I promise, guys, it'll be good for your careers. Somehow.
And Too Much Eggo Will Kill Your Diet
Is it egotistical to post this?
But seriously, I think this happens too often to writers.
Put Your Hands Up
From the uglycute category comes the lemur. With his arms up, he's like a teddy bear!
Tummy scratches have never been so uglycute.
What's It Called?
Titles are hard. Whenever I write anything, I'm always left staring at the top of my first page, wondering what brief phrase could possibly encapsulate the story and grab a reader's attention. Most of the time I just write something and hope it'll work itself out later.
So I think How Books Got Their Titles is a wicked cool blog. Gary looks at the stories behind the titles--lots of fun trivia here.
"But Annie," you say, "what kind of story can there be behind Anna Karenina or To Kill a Mockingbird?"
Fortunately, Gary has some rules:
1) The title should not be explicable simply by reading the book;
2) The titles should be titles of books or plays rather than of poems or short stories;
3) No quotations as titles.
That should filter out the fairly obvious. We get fun stories such as the conversation behind Thomas Wolfe's You Can't Go Home Again:
"At a dinner with a friend, the Communist activist Ella Winter, he told her of the experience, and she commented, ‘But don’t you know you can’t go home again?’ Wolfe asked her: ‘Can I have that? I mean for a title...I’m writing a piece...and I’d like to call it that. It says exactly what I mean.’"
Bring that up at your next party and impress your friends*!
*Or maybe just me.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
One of These Things Is Not Like the Other
Forget about the Addams Family. I'm all about the Munsters, mostly because I feel like Marilyn half the time.
NOMNOMNOM
In The Princess Bride, rodents of unusual size are pretty terrifying. But capybaras are adorable--especially when they're eating yogurt!
I love his nose!
Denial's Not Just a River in Egypt
Magdalena Kwiatkowska might want to check Snopes for stories like this, because you can't get 
pregnant by swimming in a hotel pool. But that's what she claims happened to her 13-year-old daughter.
"The mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there."
Um, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Books the Dewey Decimal System Forgot
There are lots of books in the world. And aside from the occasional library sale or librarian purge, a lot of them tend to stick around the library. After all, who knows when someone might need Moving Through Pregnancy or Brakes: Do it yourself or not, you’ll save big money. Enter Awful Library Books, the blog of ridiculous books that have stuck around their local libraries. Or maybe their local used bookstore. Or local basement. Wherever these gems are, they're not going anywhere any time soon.
Some favorites:
No one's touching that one.
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