As You Wish

There's a lot of pressure on William Goldman. And he doesn't even know it.

You might be thinking, "Didn't he write Lord of the Flies?" No, that was William Golding. But he could have. Goldman's written a lot--Marathon Man, Butch Cassidy and the Sunset Kid, and, nearest and dearest to my heart, The Princess Bride.

No one doesn't like The Princess Bride. Actually, if you don't like The Princess Bride, I'm not sure we can be friends. It's one of those deal-breakers. The book rocks. The movie rocks. They're both funny, exciting, and full of memorable moments.

In the 25th anniversary version of the book, there's an epilogue of sorts--the first chapter of the "long lost sequel," Buttercup's Baby. Title of chapter one?

Fezzik Dies.

I know.

Goldman says he doesn't think Fezzik actually dies. I mean, Westley avoided it, right? And Fezzik is his favorite. He's not going to kill off Fezzik in chapter one. But I'm worried. And apparently, my fears might not be allayed. In a 2007 interview, Goldman says, in response to a question about his work on the sequel:

"I desperately want to write it, and I sit there and nothing happens and I get pissed at myself. I got lucky with Princess Bride the first time, and I'd love to get lucky again."

Okay, Goldman. I get it. You don't just want to write crap just because readers like me will buy your book the minute it comes out. I respect you for that. But you're getting on in years. You could get hit by a bus. Anything could happen! You need to write this book immediately, before a llama falls on you and crushes you.

If you need any help, Goldman, just ask me. I'll sit behind you and say encouraging things as you write.