I'd Rather Be a Pitt-Jolie

Madonna and Guy Ritchie are trying to work out the details of their divorce and the child custody. But it looks like Madonna already has her set of rules for when the boys go visit Ritchie. Some of them are fairly standard, like "the boys are not allowed to read newspapers or magazines; Guy should not discuss the separation; they should be allowed to call their mother; they shouldn't be introduced to any new female friends Guy might have accrued." Some are a little funnier: "all water they drink must be Kabbalah water, their toys must not be "spiritually" unsound." But it's Madonna, right? She's OCD about this stuff. But then there's the kicker:

"David must be read the English Roses books that Madonna wrote."

My first thought was, "Madonna really needs attention and she wants her kid to hear the book she wrote." But then I remembered that The English Roses is a book about beautiful girls and how they hate the even more beautiful girl in their class, but it turns out she has a tough life so it's all okay. What little boy clamors for that book? Hell, what kid clamors for it? The writing's obnoxious and it's about girls who are way prettier than you. That's not to say that boys can't like pretty things. But my guess is that, ultimately, this one's kind of a downer since it's all about how you have to be thin, with big eyes to fit into a group of friends. And if you're too pretty, well, watch out. Plus, if it were by my mom, I'd especially steer clear.

Pick up, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Ritchie. Because David is going to understand that feeling a lot.