Children's Writers Have Sick Senses of Humor...Hurray!

Remember Shel Silverstein? Where the Sidewalk Ends? The Giving Tree? Yeah, good stuff from your childhood. Martyr-complex trees and funny poems are great and all, but what I really like is dark humor about dead ponies. And Shel delivers.

He has some great short plays, but The Best Daddy is, without a doubt, the most hysterical thing ever.

Catch the American Repertory Theater's production of Seriously Funny: an evening of short works by David Mamet, Harold Pinter, and Shel Silverstein to see it live

Seriously, guys. Dead ponies.

I love you so much, Shel Silverstein.

Got Your Passport Ready?

I'm not really daring when it comes to travel. I get nervous if I take a wrong turn while I'm driving. Street view on Google maps is a tiny godsend; now, when I get off the T, I know exactly what I'm going to see. So Nicholas D. Kristof's tips for traveling in rough areas of the world probably won't apply to me any time soon, but I thought it was an interesting read. Plus, even in more developed countries, it's a good idea to think safe.

Some of his suggestions:

• Carry a “decoy wallet,” so that if you are robbed by bandits with large guns, you have something to hand over. I keep $40 in my decoy wallet, along with an old library card and frequent-flier card. (But don’t begrudge the wallet: when my travel buddy was pickpocketed in Peru, we tried to jump the pickpocket, who turned out to be backed by an entire gang ... )
• Carry a tiny ski lock with a six-foot retractable wire. Use it to lock your backpack to a hotel bed when you’re out, or to the rack of a train car.
• At night, set a chair against your hotel door so that it will tip over and crash if someone slips in at 4 a.m. And lift the sheet to look for bloodstains on the mattress — meaning bed bugs.
• When you arrive in a new city, don’t take an airport taxi unless you know it is safe. If you do take a cab, choose a scrawny driver and lock ALL the doors — thieves may pull open the doors at a red light and run off with a bag.
• Remember that the scariest people aren’t warlords, but drivers. In buses I sometimes use my pack as an airbag; after one crash I was the only passenger not hospitalized.

For all those travel writers out there, watch out for bed bugs and be nice to people even if they want to chop off your hand. And send me a postcard, because I probably won't be joining you.

In Canada, Dogs Can Read

I think I could deal with the cold in North Vancouver if all the signs were this adorable.

Tastes Like Democracy

When I first tried Five Guys, I knew it was love. It's fast food the way fast food should be done. The delicious burgers (with fun toppings) with bag full of perfect fries, the fact that they had vinegar available alongside the ketchup (don't even try to argue with me about vinegar)--they won me over at fire bite. And apparently they won over the Obamas, too!

Obama chose a cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, jalapeno peppers, and mustard. I think Five Guys should see if this is Obama's usual burger and, if so, call it the Presidential Guy Burger.

And it's something he and Michelle can share:

"First lady Michelle Obama recently said she snuck out to a Five Guys restaurant without anyone noticing."

Avoiding the paparazzi and getting burgers. Smart lady!

Obamas, any time you want to go out for a burger and fries, just holler. It's on me.

I Miss Mood Already

As you probably know, Project Runway is moving from Bravo to Lifetime. I know. The channel with movies like Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? Not exactly something Tim Gunn watches. Well, okay, whatever Lifetime. But now it's also moving from New York to LA? A girl can't handle all that change at once!

About the move:

"LA can be the most laid-back and the most glamorous," Michael said, adding that challenges would include fashion for the red carpet and the beach. "It's the land of bikinis and gowns."

Whatever, Michael! I don't need bikini challenges! I need Parsons!

Also:

"The Southern California location also lent itself to the presence of Hollywood celebs, including Christina Aguilera, Eva Longoria Parker, and Lindsay Lohan, who will serve as guest judges throughout the season."

Ugh! Lindsay Lohan! With Tim Gunn?! Don't let Tim stand too close or he might catch fugly!

I am not a fan of these changes. Really, Project Runway probably should have ended last season, especially with Tim as a final judge. Does that mean I won't watch the new season? No. But it'll be a skeptical viewership.

The Homeowners Association Can Suck It

OH.

MY.

GOD.



I freakin' love these people.

(Thanks Renee!)

Bee Happy

Kavya Shivashankar is the winner of the 82nd annual Scripps National Spelling, beating out lots of other awkward kids who can spell words I never even knew existed. Congrats, Kavya!

To celebrate, here are a few adorable/awkward/hilarious Spelling Bee moments. Below is my favorite:





I started giggling, too!

Ham It Up

Forget what Cosmo tells you. Guys don't care if you have blue mascara or bronzer. It doesn't even matter if your lipstick is straight, as long as it tastes like bacon. Bacon leads to thoughts of love. Red lips are nice and all, but bacon lips are what get a girl kissed!

That's why pigs are so kissable.

And the Bacon Explosion. Kiss kiss!

This Gives "Stimulus Plan" a Whole New Meaning

Girlfriends have presented Congress with an economic stimulus plan: moving in together to save money and the country.

And maybe have fun dinner parties and Halloween parties with Halloween-themed drinks.



Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'



I'm willing to do my part to help the economy. And we don't even have to give up the weekend in Vermont watching the leaves change!

Kitty Wing Power Make-Up!

It's like an anime character come to life. A cat in China has grown "wings." What an adorable freakish appendage! Somebody get this kitty its own animated TV show, stat.

And apparently it's not the only time this has happened. In 2008, other cats in China were reported as having the same growths.

The cause? Maybe it's genetic or maybe it's some kind of chemical reaction based on what its mother ate. But I like to think this is the reason:

"[Some] think the bony limbs may be a mutation of some kind — or even a Siamese twin growing inside the cat."

The parasitic twin rides again!

The Legend of Old Hitler

Gather 'round on the magic carpet, kids, it's story time! What do you want to hear today? Goldilocks and the Three Bears? Sleeping Beauty?

Please, Lady! Tell us the story of Old Hitler!

You got it, kids:

"Although the exact origins of Old Hitler's legend are likely lost in the annals of bait-shack folklore, as long as their have been sports fishermen seeking tarpon along the Gulf coast, there have been tales of those fishermen losing their trophy-sized silver kings to the dreaded jaws of a mythical creature.

As the Gulf coast of Florida began to become more populated, rumors of a giant hammerhead floated up and down the coast. It was purportedly so big that ship captains and fishermen would call the local coastguard to alert them to a German U-boat invading the harbor.

'Old Hitler happened to be the biggest, baddest hammerhead in the Pass during or shortly after WWII,' said long-time Charlotte tarpon guide Paul DeGaeta.

There have always been large sharks along Florida's coast, but this one stood out. The legend revolved around one gigantic shark that had a large gash in its top fin, an injury it sustained after a rumored run-in with a mullet fisherman sometime in the early sixties. The fisherman struck the shark with a machete after the creature mauled a net full of fish and began bumping the 15-foot vessel with its flat head. The hammerhead swam away with the large knife still embedded in its dorsal fin."

That's probably the most quoted text I've ever posted here. But it was so worth it. I freakin' love a good shark story, and this is one of the most badass sharks of all. He withstood a machete. People thought it was a U-boat. I hear he ate Chuck Norris.

Also, his name is Old Hitler. It makes sense if he was hanging around during WWII, but still--how weird is that?

Unfortunately, all evil dictatorships must come to an end. No, Old Hitler didn't shoot himself in his sea-bunker. He was caught by shark angler Clyde "Bucky" Dennis. Dennis already had the International Game Fish Association's all-tackle record, having caught a hammerhead weighing in at 1,280 pounds, so it was a worthy battle.

And everyone lived happily ever after. Except for Hitler.

Dudley Do-Right Is Awesome

This makes me so proud of old movies.

Also, it reminds me of Dead Snow. Maybe next time, the zombie Nazis could battle the atomic invaders, Alien v. Predator style.

Robin's Favorite Font

"I was trying some logos for a friend’s new project when I noticed something. A bold, uppercase B set in Times looks like Batman’s mask when you turn your head 90° counter-clockwise."

He's so right!

You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

As if they couldn't make license pictures any more awkward. Now, in some states, they're banning smiles. It has to do with a new facial recognition software that works best when people have "neutral expressions." But it sounds like the DMV really just wants to suck all the joy out of people that they possibly can.

Or are they working on their 1800s family portrait collection? There's no smiling when you have to worry about Yellow Fever!

I wouldn't suggest going vigilante on the DMV, but if you want to fight the man and smile at the last second, so be it.

No One Sparkles Like Gaston

Gaston is probably just jealous because Edward steps on his awesome.

Because He Already Looked Over His Answers

Sometimes a test is so easy that you need to spice things up for yourself. Like this kid in Chem class.


I love the double question mark about Jimmy.

Does He Still Have That on His Resume?

I hope this guy makes Jack Nicholson's Life Achievement Oscar montage, because it would be great to see Jack's face like this again.

Now I Know Why Evildoers Find Batman So Intimidating

Holy shit, it's going to kill us all!

Fluffy!

Oh my lord, it's a pile of baby pandas!

Meet Rebecca

Remember how pissed I was about American Girl retiring Samantha? They haven't entirely won be back yet, but I am interested in their new Jewish-American doll, Rebecca Rubin.

One thing I will say about American Girl--they take a lot of care in developing their historical dolls. With Native American Kaya, they did a lot of research with various tribes in order to find one that would have valued girls as members of the community in the 1600s. And it sounds like the same care has been taken with Rebecca.

"The preliminary research that led to Rebecca’s development started in 2000, said Shawn Dennis, the senior vice president for marketing. American Girl had wanted to do a doll focused on the immigrant experience. After work by two in-house historical researchers, and interviews with focus groups, it was decided to make the character Jewish.

'Russian-Jewish immigration, that group has an effect on the labor movement, that group has an effect on the burgeoning Hollywood entertainment business,' Ms. Dennis said. 'We thought it would have the makings of what would be a relatable story to tell.'"

I think this is a good move. When I worked at one of the American Girl stores, a girl came up to me and asked if we had any more menorahs. (Former 'Girl of the Year' doll Lindsey was Jewish.) It made me so sad to say no! As a ten year-old, I loved the holiday books; this little girl didn't get the same experience. Until now.

Of course, it is also weird that Rebecca lives in a New York tenement and the doll is priced around $95. But as long as it teaches girls about lives different than their own, that's the important thing.

Even so, I still want them to bring back Samantha.

Hey, They're Veterans, Too.

Stormtroopers on their day off.

Next at MoMA

Oddly enough, I think watercolor makes zombies even scarier!

Bee Movie

Oh trailer parodies, how I love you so.





This makes all the lady punching so much more understandable.

Next Summer's Big Action Movie?

This summer...Resurrection's a bitch!





Seriously, do they show this to kids? And why is Jesus fireballing the world?

Disturbance on the Villain Line

I would totally ride the Royal Shakespeare Company Metro System. Also, for all the nerds out there, the closer in the stop, the more popular/awesome/moving the character. Pick your favorite line!

Hungry Like the Wolf

Is this a sign that vampires are over? Is it time for werewolves to take center stage? Because at Amazon.com, one 80s-tastic wolf shirt has dominated the apparel section.

Okay, so it's because of CollegeHumor.com, not necessarily because people are dying for Napoleon Dynamite-esque shirts. After CollegeHumor.com posted a link to the shirt's page, it started getting tons of five star ratings and outrageous reviews. Some examples:

"I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!)."

"When the package arrived, I tore it open, and I SWEAR angels sang. I think it was Freebird. I immediately removed my "No Fat Chicks" shirt, and replaced it with this finery. Lemme tell you: AW YEAH."

"I was a piddling Acup, but once I started wearing this amazing shirt, My bra size has JUMPED to an incredible 38DD!"

It's a magic shirt! The magic of wolves! Team Jacob! Arrroooooooo!

But the most magic part of all? Sketch comedy group a Week of Kindness totally called this one:




Trend Institute for the win!

July Can't Come Fast Enough

I can't post it here directly, but here's the link to a sneak peek of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

And. It. Looks. Awesome.

It takes a long time to load, but be patient because it is so freakin' cool. I'm so excited I'm going to explode.

Eeeeeeeeeeeee!

Let's Do the Time Warp Again

I'm a huge fan of the new Star Trek movie. I grew up with the original movies (although, at five, I don't think I really understood much about the plots) so it was great to see the same characters doing new, awesome things. In order to do the whole 'reboot' thing, they had to fiddle around with the characters' reality. And maybe one point was unintentional--because now, the Beastie Boys might be responsible for the Vulcan nerve pinch.

"We know the new movie takes place around Stardate 2248, which actually corresponds to our Gregorian calendar. So it’s not inconceivable then that a young Kirk would have access to an antique Corvette. But what was surprising about that early scene in the movie is...the manner with which he used the Beastie Boys song 'Sabotage.'
There’s no indication in the new movie that the Vulcan nerve pinch was taught to Spock by the Vulcan elders. But we do know for a fact that around 1997 or so, The Beastie Boys wrote a song with the line: 'If you try to knock me you’ll get mocked / I’ll stir fry you in my wok / Your knees’ll start shaking and your fingers pop / Like a pinch on the neck of Mr. Spock.'"

So maybe, instead of learning an old Vulcan trick, Spock heard these lyrics about himself and figured he'd give it a try. The Beastie Boys aren't just a bunch of immature rockers; they're the developers of an intergalactic battle move.

Okay, so it's probably not what the sound designers were going for when they chose "Sabotage" for the movie. But they did open up a whole can of worms for themselves--or at least, for the people on the internet who notice this kind of thing.

Is She a Fan of Dadaism?

This is the reason you have kids--so you can use them for your own comedic interests. Like Bill Zeman and his four year-old daughter. On his blog, Tiny Art Director, Bill posts his drawings and his daughter's critiques, which are pretty hysterical. (Bill also promises that TAD is not a major brat; why post all the cute, sweet things a child says when you can post their hilarious freak outs?)

A favorite:

The Brief: A Crocodile
The Critique: What's he going to do to that bird? Is he going to eat him? That's not what I want. You have to do it with him killing that bird.
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: Killing Daddy killing! Can you do it killing him?

A girl after my own heart.

In about five years, she'll probably be embarrassed by all of this. But that's just part of the joy of being a parent. And until then, I'll enjoy the Tiny Art Director.

Sing Along Friday

If you were a little girl around 1989, you probably tried flopping around a pool with your legs stuck together so you could be a mermaid.





Seriously, I freakin' love this movie.

Secret Lovers

From the good people at Best Week Ever comes the best tagline ever.

"If ever we were hoping that two celebrities were involved in a passionate love affair…it would be 50 Cent and Bette Midler."

Keep the dream alive, guys.

I Had the Time of My Life

During these hard times, you need to make your ads stand out. Make it personal. Make it local. Old Rich People take on this issue.





And it's still less awkward than this local ad.

I'm a Little Obsessed

Oh my lord, I am so excited for Up. I feel like a kid again, when animated Disney movies were actually good and a new one came out every year--The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, etc. And this movie sounds like it'll be no exception to the Pixar awesomeness streak. One reason being that they take a lot of care with the product. Heck, they even think about shape symbolism when designing the characters:

"Because Carl is so set in his ways, the designers thought it would be best to represent his features in square shapes, from his face and his glasses down to his fingers and knuckles. A wide shot shows Carl in his home chairlift, slowly moving down a staircase in a nearly expressionless manner. The designers used both the foreground and background of the shot to give cues to Carl’s character. 'The shape symbolism is present in the photo frames within this shot to tell a snapshot story of Carl’s life,' production designer Ricky Nierva said. 'Anytime you see Carl in a picture by himself, he’s in a square frame. And anytime you see Eleanor' — his wife — 'she’s in an oval frame. And anytime you see them together, we thought of a square frame with an oval matte. So all of these things help balance his world of squares and circles.'"

How awesome is that?

Also, I love Pixar for this:

"[Dog character Dug's] owner has fitted him with an electronic collar that allows him to vocalize his thoughts. (The creators of “Up” wanted to avoid the humanlike talking animals that populate many animated films.)"

I love Sebastian and Flounder, but I also love that Pixar doesn't just through in a talking animal because they think kids will like it. They take a lot of care with each movie; it's not just a Mad Libs-style production.

Totally can't wait!

Better Than What's on the Back of the DVD Box

I don't get the whole Twitter thing, but I love these Twitter-ized summaries of famous films. (All under 140 characters, of course.) Some favorites:

Star Wars: "Young boy abducted by old man, falls in love with sister, refuses family business, kills father, dances with little bears."


The Lion King: "Hamlet, with lions, in Africa."

Twilight: "Sulky teen fancies local vampire. They do not have sex."

Back to the Future: "Young boy gets in car with old scientist guy. He takes him forward in time. No one questions their friendship."

Like I Didn't Know This Already

If you're in your 20s, you can probably rattle off a list of friends who were recently let go from their jobs. Or you're one of those people yourself. And it's not because of anything you did; it's just the fact that you are in your 20s and, to upper level management, expendable.

"Employees in their 20s and 30s are finding themselves more at risk of a layoff, according to labor lawyers, as employers look to avoid age-discrimination lawsuits by adopting a 'last one in, first one out' policy and turn to tenure as a means of conducting layoffs. In some cases, young, childless professionals say they feel they're being targeted in layoffs, while employees who have families to support are given special consideration."

Ugh.

I can understand why companies work this way. If you have to fire someone, why not have it be the kid who makes copies instead of the person who has been a loyal worker for 30 years? It sucks to fire anyone, so why not have it be the person you know the least?

But that doesn't make anyone who gets laid off feel a lot better. Especially when no one is hiring.

It's just bad timing. You can be an awesome worker and way less annoying than some of your older coworkers, but you'll be the first to go because your job is probably not all that important to the company, because you don't have a family to take care of, and because you were the most recently hired. How is that our fault? And how is an entire generation of workers supposed to develop their careers if they can't keep their jobs, much less move forward in a company? I feel like this is going to have major repercussions for twentysomethings as we get older.

Elementary, My Dear Watson

I've actually never read a Sherlock Holmes book/seen a Holmes movie, so I think this looks pretty fun. Plus I'm a fan of most people associated with this. Actual fans are free to contradict me.





I also kind of love the Holmes/Watson old-married-couple vibe.

Benediction

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't to forget make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

--Neil Gaiman

It was actually in reference to a new year, but I think it's appropriate for graduation time, too.

Shuffle of the Penguins

Check out the cute ad for public transportation.





I can't tell you how many times a T car full of people has battled a killer whale.

Move On

A little of how I'm feeling. Plus pointillism.





"Stop worrying where you're going-
Move on
If you can know where you're going
You've gone
Just keep moving on."

From Sunday in the Park with George.

Loveseat

Furniture--the one thing that can bring the races together.





At first I thought it was going to be like that Human Giant sketch. But somehow the Red House guys have outdone Human Giant in ridiculousness.

This is why you really need to pay for a marketing department, guys.

What Happened to Phoebe?

People always say there are no new ideas. That's especially true when sequels/prequels/redos rule the day. And sometimes I absolutely love new takes on old ideas. (The whole fairy-tale-redone genre is a favorite of mine.) But other times I wonder why people can't just leave the original alone.

I mean, do we really need a sequel to Catcher in the Rye? Apparently author John David California thinks so. He wrote 60 Years Later: Coming Through the Rye. Holden is in his 70s and escapes from a retirement home. About the book, California says:

"Just like the first novel, he leaves, but this time he's not at a prep school, he's at a retirement home in upstate New York. It's pretty much like the first book in that he roams around the city, inside himself and his past. He's still Holden Caulfield, and has a particular view on things. He can be tired, and he's disappointed in the goddamn world. He's older and wiser in a sense, but in another sense he doesn't have all the answers."

There are a lot of takes on famous literature. Some, like Wide Sargasso Sea, get their own acclaim. But a lot are just sad attempts at trying to understand or revisit a familiar character. Maybe California is genuine in his desire to approach Holden, but from the sound of it, it's not going to be any Catcher in the Rye. And even if it's actually a good book, I'm not sure I want to revisit Holden. I want him suspended in time, hoping that he can avoid growing up while also running headlong into adulthood.

Medical Monopoly

Cancer treatment costs a lot of money. But it costs even more when private companies hold the monopoly over potentially life-altering knowledge and technology.

For example, Myriad Genetics owns the patent on the two genes that are associated with increased breast/ovarian cancer risk, as well as a test that can determine if a patient is at an increased risk for these cancers. So if you want to check your risk factor, you have to go through them. And it'll cost you.

Now one of those at-risk patients, Genae Girard, is fighting Myriad.

"On Tuesday, Ms. Girard, 39, who lives in the Austin, Tex., area, filed a lawsuit against Myriad and the Patent Office, challenging the decision to grant a patent on a gene to Myriad and companies like it. She was joined by four other cancer patients, by professional organizations of pathologists with more than 100,000 members and by several individual pathologists and genetic researchers.

The lawsuit, believed to be the first of its kind, was organized by the American Civil Liberties Union and filed in federal court in New York. It blends patent law, medical science, breast cancer activism and an unusual civil liberties argument in ways that could make it a landmark case."

It's a tough issue. Certainly, those who develop medical breakthroughs should be rewarded, but not at the expense of people who are dying. It should be an interesting case to follow.

Music to My Ears

Possibly the most endearing piano duet in the world. They've been a couple for more than 60 years!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Play it again, Sam!

Want to See My Captain's Log?

When you think "bachelor pad," you think of neon beer signs, really extensive tvs, and furniture on cinder blocks. But one bachelor decided to raise the bar. He didn't want to live in just any old apartment. He wanted to live in space.

On the Enterprise, to be exact.

Tony Alleyne always loved sci-fi. When he decided to mix his love of space with his love of art and design, this was the result. He really went all out!

Also, he's not just keeping his Star Trek design all to himself. If this apartment looks like your dream home, Tony will design one of your very own. 

Personally, I don't think I'd want to live on the Enterprise. The apartment seems kind of dark, and I'd keep expecting Klingons to attack. But maybe he's looking for a special lady who's just as in love with Star Trek as he is.

Godspeed, Tony.

Insert Noise Here

Holy cow, this girl is a champion beatboxer.




College a cappella groups, get your bids ready.

Buckle Up

"Not so much a sidecar but a burlap sack, attached to your vehicle with c-clamps and hooks, it assures a sense of danger and excitement that your pooch is sure to appreciate as you hurtle down the freeway."

For a while in 1936, dogs stopped wanting to go for a ride in the car.

You Can Fool Some of the People All the Time...

You know how you get most of your information from Wikipedia? Apparently that's what professional journalists do, too.

Irish student Shane Fitzgerald decided to test this. When French composer Maurice Jarre died on March 28, Fitzgerald posted a fake quote on Jarre's Wikipedia page:

"One could say my life itself has been one long soundtrack. Music was my life, music brought me to life, and music is how I will be remembered long after I leave this life. When I die there will be a final waltz playing in my head that only I can hear."

Newspapers thought this quote was ideal for obituaries, which is what Fitzgerald was going for. Expect he thought it wouldn't get picked up by major papers, because the quote didn't have a source. (Usually for major information, Wikipedia requires a link to an outside source.) But it did--even the Guardian picked it up. Later, the Guardian became the only news organization to formally admit its mistake.

Poorly done, journalists. Well done, Fitzgerald. He said:

"I didn't want to be devious. I just wanted to show how the 24-hour, minute-by-minute media were now taking material straight from Wikipedia because of the deadline pressure they're under."

Okay, that's understandable. But seriously, you have all the resources of a major news organization at your fingertips, and yet you act like a high schooler who needs to pad their paper on Ben Franklin? Get your act together, reporters.

I Would Never Lie to You, Oprah

Oprah has apologized to James Frey, author of the not-so-autobiographical memoir A Million Little Pieces. In 2005, she chose A Million Little Pieces for her book club, making it an enormous bestseller. But then it came out that he didn't actually experience all the things he claimed--jail, drugs, etc. Oprah was furious and had Frey on the show again to call him out, but apparently the two have reconciled since then.

"Frey said Winfrey called him last fall to tell him 'I felt I owe you an apology,' and she explained that her lambasting of him sprang from her sense of feeling betrayed, according to the Vanity Fair report.

'It was a nice surprise to hear from her, and I really appreciated the call and the sentiment,' he told Vanity Fair."

I'm not a fan of Frey, but I'm glad Oprah has apologized. Even though he was lame to pretend he actually did everything he wrote about, it was also lame for her to bring him back on the show and yell at him.

And considering how his most recent book Bright Shiny Morning wasn't the megahit that A Million Little Pieces was, he needs the Oprah.

It's Not Easy Being Green

"First Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality
And we all know who gave it to him……………"

Hehehe. Love hurts.

Gland Slam!

Puns and cute drawings of uncute things? I'm in love!

My Heart Will Go On

No matter how many Oscars they're nominated for, Kate and Leo will never get away from the megahit Titanic. Especially when survivors are around.

At least, one survivor. Millvina Dean, the last remaining Titanic survivor, who was only nine weeks old at the time of the sinking and is now 98, was having trouble paying her nursing home bills. Photographer Don Mullan, who had taken pictures of Dean, appealed to the Titanic stars and director James Cameron to help with Millvina's bills. Mullan was selling a limited-edition photograph of Millvina's hands in order to raise money for the Titanic survivor. He told the Independent:

"I figured that if the edition sold out, it would secure Millvina for a full year. My plan, however, was to double the impact and thereby secure her for two years. I decided, therefore, at the opening of the exhibition, to publicly challenge James Cameron, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, 20th Century Fox and Celine to match me dollar for dollar."

A little pressure-y, but the Titanic stars and director have contributed to the Millvina campaign. And well done to them. After making an insane amount of money and getting super famous off the movie, it's nice that they feel a sense of obligation to the people (er, person) who survived the sinking.

Plus, I freakin' loved that movie in seventh grade.

Hoppy Halloween!

Oh my lord.

Check out more of photographer Amy Stein's Halloween in Harlem series.

Tales From the Womb

If you have a weak stomach, you probably shouldn't read the whole article. Yep, it's time for more parasitic twin stories!

What makes this one special is that it's about an adult male (Gavin Hyatt) whose parasitic twin tried to escape through his stomach. What. The. Fuck? He went to the hospital with stomach pains because the fetus was on the move:

"The 30-year-old man reeled in agony as his stomach ruptured — and the remains of his embryonic twin spilled out...Doctors said the growth, also known as a parasitic twin, was Hyatt’s identical brother who died in their’s mother’s womb early in the pregnancy. The 4-centimeter fetus became embedded in Gavin’s tissue and stayed in his stomach for the next 30 years."

I know.

So basically, you could have a parasitic twin inside of you right now and never know it. Until it decides it's had enough of you and wants its own life, damnit. Even Dr. Joe Santos claimed it was freaky:

"It was like something from (the movie) Alien. I didn’t believe Gavin when he said something was coming out of his belly button until I saw him.”

Never a dull day in the medical community, huh?

You'd think the worst was over by now. But no. Because Hyatt didn't let the hospital dispose of his parasitic twin. Instead, he decided to take "Little Gav" home in a jar. Like a sea monkey. I sincerely hope this man is married, because if he's still looking, his raisin-sized twin is going to kill any romance he could hope to create at home.

But at least he'll never be alone, right? Not as long as Little Gav's around.

Vomit.

said he keeps the twin in a jar at home and calls it “Little Gav.”

Pomp and Circumstance

I'm sure there are a lot of thoughtful students at Arizona State, but the Daily Show sure had an easy time finding less than dedicated scholars.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Arizona State Snubs Obama
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Seriously, if Obama wants an honorary degree at my graduation, he is welcome to it! Plus, he'd be more comfortable in Boston--since, you know, Chicago is really cold.

The Future Sucks

Since Star Wars, movie studios have learned that movie-tie-ins, especially toys, are huge sellers. Why just make a profit from the film when you can make a profit with every single item you could possibly sell? Enter this summer's tie-in products.

My favorite? The 7-11 Terminator Slurpees. These are supposed to be intense robots, not things you can suck crushed iced through. If robots are going to take over the future, at least they'll probably stop making stuff like this, so more power to them.

I Would Get Excited, But Somehow That Seems Wrong

Daria came out at the perfect time for me. I was an angsty middle schooler with a sick sense of humor. She was kind of my hero.

And now the show is on Youtube.

The nice thing is, it's just as good as I remembered. Maybe even better, now that I'm out of middle and high school. I can appreciate the dark humor while also knowing that, eventually, you leave that stupid school and find more people who have weird senses of humor. It's not quite the dark hole of insanity it seems to be.

Unless you're a cartoon character and stuck there forever. Sorry, Daria.

The Shire

If I lived here, I'd keep expecting Sam and Frodo to visit. I'm not sure if that would make me happy, or if it would ultimately make me really sad because they never got to visit. Either way, it's a really cool eco-friendly home. Apparently it's in Wales and took four months to build, with about £3,000. You can see the plans here and the building process here.

Also, the actual family living there is pretty darn cute. I hope they like their Hobbit home!

Burrow Deeper

Why am I complaining about Monday and also complaining about not having a job by this time next week?

Hire me?

Tuckered Out

Let's all take a nap!


It's an awesome day for cute things.

Double Bun

Bunnies--the new puppies? I just can't keep the cute to myself, so here you go:







Both are from the Daily Bunny. I love this 'daily cute thing' theme. Best thing to happen to the internet, I swear.

What Happened to Andrae?

Season 2 of Project Runway is one of my favorites. And who could forget the awesome faces of Andrae Gonzalo? If you want to see more of Andrae's face while getting some sewing tips, check out his Survival Stiches class. Part of the description:

"Every Wednesday is a chance for Project Runway alumnus Andrae Gonzalo to teach you 6 miracle stitches that will literally save your sartorial life! In one three-hour session, you'll learn techniques that will hem your jeans, patch up knee holes, re-attach sleeves and linings, and even be strong enough to construct an entire garment if you have the misfortune to be on a flight with the Oceanic 6."

References to Project Runway and Lost? It sounds like the most awesome sewing class ever (outside of one with Tim Gunn, at least). I need to get to LA immediately.

Directed by Sofia Coppola?

The indie-est movie in a garage!

The Dirty Garage - watch more funny videos

The indie music duo at the end could definitely be in Juno.

Stacks of Books

I love this book-desk! At first glance it looks like it's made of really interesting bricks or blocks, but those are actually books. How neat is that?


I do hope they're at least boring books, since they're probably not getting read.

Say "Ah?"

Insurance companies are finally bringing down rates for women. Previously, women have had to pay more because we have lady parts and everything that goes along with that (Ie--having babies.) Their reasoning?

"In interviews last fall, insurance executives said they had a sound reason for the different premiums: Women ages 19 to 55 tend to cost more than men of the same age because they typically use more health care, especially in the childbearing years. Moreover, insurers said women were more likely to visit doctors, to get regular checkups, to take prescription medications and to have certain chronic illnesses."

So because women actually take care of their health concerns before they get too bad, they get screwed over. Also, doesn't this sound like an incentive not to have babies? So if we want lower premiums, we should just stop giving birth and end the human race? Smart, insurance companies.

I know that they're a business and just trying to make a profit like anyone else, but please don't screw people over because they have a uterus and might want to have a baby someday. And because they take their health seriously.